I heard a knock at my door around 4am a few days ago on the 29 of August. Its never good news at that time of the morning. When I saw my grandparents there, my heart sank.

My mom has been in really bad health for the last few years. Shes only 49, but very over-weight, has heart problems, lupus, diabetes…I just knew. I knew. They told me she had a heart attack during the night and died at the hospital near Tampa. They left. I began the calls.

Calling, calling, all morning. The hospital, her boyfriend of 12 years, my sisters, my family, I cried while trying to talk, calling funeral homes. They were patient, and nice. And expensive. She had no plans, or insurance, money put back. I had some luck with the Medical Examiners office finally, after a few hours.

I’m still crying, on and off. Its hard to mourn someone you’ve talked to on the phone but haven’t seen face-to-face since 2001. I will miss her, but more I will miss what could have been. She’s never seen my four year old son, nor my daughter since she was less than a year old other than pictures. She never got to see my now grown sister that was removed from her custody at age five, and is now eighteen. 

I will go down to Florida, in a few weeks when all is said and done, and bring her home. I will plant her ashes with violets at her mothers grave, where she wanted to be, and have a small memorial for her at my grandparents house.

My uncle tried to do her obituary, he got it mostly right. She would’ve liked being a year younger, I think.



Clothes for School

So, I have an almost 12-year-old daughter. She’s modest. Shes adorable. Just the right bits of sarcasm injected with geek chic and intelligence. I love my daughter, shes the best daughter for me. So why, oh why are marketers attempting to turn her into some dumb trashy dressed bimbo with no brain? Why are all the kids clothes made like street walkers?

Shorts in sized 4t  to a 14/16 are cut right below butt cheeks. Shirts are cut low. Don’t even get me started on the thong underwear and padded bras.  Shirts have awful sayings on them like “I’m too pretty to do math”. What? WHAT? It make my head want to explode. Everywhere I turn there is this pink pretty princess monster looming. I don’t have a problem with pink. I do have a problem with dolls dressed up in tiny too tight clothing and full makeup. I do have a problem with it being perfectly okay to be dumb as long as you’re pretty. I also have a problem with people making clothing that is too revealing for my 11-year-old daughter to wear. So, we are shopping for school this year at no big name stores. I refuse to buy it.

In a perfect world, she’ll never see ads for weight loss plastered everywhere. Or half-naked jersey shore kids making clowns out of themselves for fame. I might not be able to hide all of that forever. But for now, the victory is mine, in the form of knee-length shorts, cute capri’s, and appropriate looking clothing.