I heard a knock at my door around 4am a few days ago on the 29 of August. Its never good news at that time of the morning. When I saw my grandparents there, my heart sank.
My mom has been in really bad health for the last few years. Shes only 49, but very over-weight, has heart problems, lupus, diabetes…I just knew. I knew. They told me she had a heart attack during the night and died at the hospital near Tampa. They left. I began the calls.
Calling, calling, all morning. The hospital, her boyfriend of 12 years, my sisters, my family, I cried while trying to talk, calling funeral homes. They were patient, and nice. And expensive. She had no plans, or insurance, money put back. I had some luck with the Medical Examiners office finally, after a few hours.
I’m still crying, on and off. Its hard to mourn someone you’ve talked to on the phone but haven’t seen face-to-face since 2001. I will miss her, but more I will miss what could have been. She’s never seen my four year old son, nor my daughter since she was less than a year old other than pictures. She never got to see my now grown sister that was removed from her custody at age five, and is now eighteen.
I will go down to Florida, in a few weeks when all is said and done, and bring her home. I will plant her ashes with violets at her mothers grave, where she wanted to be, and have a small memorial for her at my grandparents house.
My uncle tried to do her obituary, he got it mostly right. She would’ve liked being a year younger, I think.